There are more than a thousand ways to die in Kenya today. These are just a few ideas of places you are likely to meet your death in Kenya. Though hilarious, this account is NOT factual but that does not take away from the fact that there are people who die every day from these situations. Be the judge. Will this be the way you meet your death? Today, you get to choose.
If you are the president of a country called Kenya, beware of flying shoes and add a backup anti theft system on the presidential escort vehicles just in case the current one fails and your car is lost. As the president, the citizen might decide to boo and chant as you (their president and Commander in Chief) try to negotiate with them to give you a chance to address them. These are just a few things that you should be LEAST worried about it.
But if you are a Kenyan citizen, your life is more at stake than you think. What happens to you when you are unwell? Well that’s easy right? Kenya have some of the best hospitals in East Africa and you have a medical cover! Lucky you. Today you get to cheat death. But for the mwananchi whose lifeline is that public hospital that is close to 400Km from where they live, death comes even faster when the doctors of that hospital are on strike.
You don’t have good roads; if any in the first place, the security in your area is questionable if not non-existent and by the time you finally get to the hospital three days later, the doctors are on strike? Before you leave your house it might be a good idea to leave everything “in order”. You may be gone a little longer than you think.
If you are a Kenyan citizen, well, how do I put this; get ready to lose your phone a couple of times. That’s not all. Get ready to lose more than just your phone. You might lose your car to car jackers at gun point and after they have cleared the little life savings you have in bank account, they will probably not see your use any more so they will shoot you and no need to pray for a good Samaritan because they are only good with your goods. If they take you to hospital well you will die in a “safe environment”.
Car jackers are angels in comparison to what kidnappers will do to you if you are their target. Apart from denying you your basic human rights including food and water, some of them might rape you and after they have their ransom, you will already be dead! That’s not all. Meet the new face of terrorists. They are young and driven, passionate about their cause. But they are also desperate and frustrated and finally found someone who knows their value. Well, you never get to meet these ones if you do at least you die together. The rest will “throw death” at you from a distance in the name of a grenade. If you survive, remember the doctors are still on strike.
The main mode of transport in Kenya is road. You are likely to meet your death on this avenue too. The “certified” un-roadworthy vehicles operating as public service vehicles are driven recklessly and despite having speed governors, the speeds are literally “out of this world”! If you think you are safer on a motorbike otherwise known as bodabodas well think again. The helmet is filthy and you are always tempted to think that you don’t have time to wear it since you are not going far. That’s your first mistake and your step in the direction of your death door. Well there are many wards specifically for motorcycle accidents so you won’t be lonely. But then again remember doctors are on strike.
There are many other ways to die in Kenya. You could fall into an uncovered man hole around town break a few bones before an ambulance comes to your rescue and dashes you to hospital… oops you just got to your death faster! The high cost of living will definitely not be your cup of tea especially because it might raise your “sugar level” and we don’t want that for obvious reasons.
For you who have clean water to drink every day and even flush your toilets with it, you don’t get to die today but for the majority of Kenyans who have to walk miles every day to get a gallon of dirty water, every day is death day. That’s not the only “death wish” they have to worry about. They have leaders that they voted for who should be “eliminating these death traps” for them. Sadly, they will only get to see these leaders after five years – and that’s if they will be alive.
So today, when you are alive, before you meet one of your a thousand ways to die, don’t you think it’s time you “fought for your life”? I can point you in the right direction but unfortunately it’s all I can do because I too have my a thousand ways to die to deal with.The way to stay alive today, begins by you using your right and power to choose the right person to be in power.
The power is in your hands. Use it wisely. Tic toc.